Reddit attachment styles Why do people of each attachment style cheat? A question often asked in this sub and other similar subs is whether people of the X attachment style cheat, to which the answer is that people with any attachment style, including secure attachment, can cheat and what makes the difference is the reasons behind it. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending/asserting our independence/autonomy often at the expense of intimacy. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. The lucky rest are ‘Secure’. Oh marvelous! I saw that post this morning and thought it really helped clarify insecure attachment styles. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Attachment styles are like astrology, or harry potter houses. How related are these styles to MBTI? Do you think I attachment is a stand alone discussion? Does your MBTI have a lot to do with how you attach to someone? I’m curious! If you’ve done the attachment test before (anyone, not picky)- I’d love to know your attachment style AND your MBTI. This is a subreddit for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. However, as someone who tests primarily DA followed by FA, I had a hard time understanding her explanation for these 2 styles. The Attachment Theory Handbook is another FANTASTIC resource for working through things in an actionable way. It'll give you a very generic result on your attachment style. I won't go into too much depth on these as they are quite complex. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles How is "Attachment Styles"-Theory perceived in academic psychology research? Is this a legitimate psychology principle? In the last year or so, I saw more and more general suggestions to take Attachment Styles tests and seek out help with them in therapy. Delicate is After a breakup, people with an avoidant attachment style often feel relieved and don't miss their ex-partner. Your attachment style will dictate how secure you feel in relationship, thus dictating how your treat your partner and what you will tolerate from them. I need something up to date with contemporary opinions within the field. It's a great way to learn and connect with eachother. Learn the three main attachment styles — anxious, avoidant, and secure — and how they shape your relationships. While the majority of them are into avoidant-blaming to get clicks from Anxious types, she doesn't. Meaning it's easier to change than your personality but still relatively stable throughout most of your life. Discovering how my parents affected my attachment style (finally) I had a session with my therapist today, and after speaking with her for awhile, I felt like I made some significant progress in cracking my deep internal issues. What have people here discovered about what may be causing your attachment issues, other than early childhood? Hey everyone, I'm looking for others' experiences with dealing with attachment theory in their therapy. . So what is it? trueThe #1 social media platform for MCAT advice. It has to do with why it's called disorganized attachment. I have dated a lot of men who have lied to me, gaslit me or lovebombed me and as a result, I get quite anxious in the initial dating phase as there is no guaranteed security or reassurance from the other person whilst in the 'getting to know you' phase. I like her final part in this slide that states focusing on healing Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Hello to all, what I'm searching for more precisely are books that present attachment theory with seriousness and exhaustively enough to give a more or less full and detailed idea of it. Now regarding TSwift. Thank you. Some of us came from loving caring households and still developed avoidant styles. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available I suffer from Anxious Attachment Style. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Great, now I know I have an anxious attachment style, the only solution is supposed to be finding a partner that's right for me? How is that helping me becoming a secure person? I did like the part about recognizing triggers and stuff, but apparently the only solution to feel better about it is to have a partner that talks me out of my craziness. I finished Attached yesterday, and it was very painful and informative to look back at my past relationships. Seen a few pop psychology articles on attachment theory recently. One of my clients has classic signs of anxious attachment style, and is having trouble with feeling secure in their relationship with their partner. trueSomeone who is anxious and avoidant is called disorganized, or fearful. A sub for anyone who wants support with parenting through an attachment philosophy approach. You can absolutely have different attachment styles for different people. I test FA for romantic relationships, 100% secure with my mom and my best friends, DA with my father. From my understanding, people with an avoidant attachment style typically move slower in pace than those with secure or anxious attachment styles If you both know your attachment styles aren’t secure you should be seeking therapy to change that. I’ve always loved Taylor Swift and it’s wild to me how many of her songs are literally taken from my thoughts/attachment theory. The anxiously attached and avoidant reddit subs are toxic zones. Can someone clarify the parental styles that leads to the different types of attachments: Secure Attachment Ambivalent Attachment Avoidant Attachment Disordered Attachment It seems to me that disorganized and avoidant attachment happens as a result of erratic/abusive parenting, is this correct? What is the difference between these two? Knowing what it looks like when you (avoidants) are actively engaged in a relationship, might give anxious attachment styles better insight as to what your actions mean, giving them a better sense of security and thus their 'attachment strategy' from being activated at the drop of a hat. It's pretty short and takes a balanced assessment of all of the attachment styles, without overly favoring or demonizing any of them. I know people with the avoidant attachment style get a lot of hate, and in many cases, that is well deserved. Reply reply Secure people, what have been your experiences with the different insecure attachments? I've been exploring my attachment style in counselling recently so that's where my head is at currently I'm Like A Bird by Nelly Furtado definitely feels like a song about avoidant attachment This is a subreddit about and for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. AAs use sex to bring emotional connection, FAs and DAs withdraw from sex if it becomes emotionally intimate. Limerent people, what are your attachment styles and what have the attachment styles of your LO’s been? I’m really curious For me I did work towards a secure attachment style, but I wouldn't have been able to do it without experiencing a healthy relationship with someone who understood and supported me through all of it. It very nearly can destroy your relationship if your not careful. Attachment styles are heavily influenced by the behaviour of your primary caregivers during childhood (because that's when you learn 'how the world works') but they can be changed with time, practice and expert help as an adult. Don't date people with avoidant attachment styles if you have secure or anxious attachment style Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. She has been incredibly helpful and I’ve learned so much. For people with this attachment style, avoidance is a form of control of how close emotionally they allow others to get to them, to avoid getting hurt. Just starting to learn about attachment styles, and I have a question- can you have different attachment styles in different relationships? I know that attachment styles are mainly formed in childhood, so it seems like whatever your attachment style is it should be consistent because it’s a part of you. Other attachment styles are also welcome and encouraged. Check out the sidebar for useful resources & intro guides. I got 66 Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Attachment styles are basically habits that can be learned, but also unlearned - it just takes time and effort to build up those habits. I also think I’m too attached (pun intended) to the DA label. ----------------------- The style of connecting/attaching with other people is a direct reflection of our earliest experiences with our caregivers, as well as other influential relationships in our life. Just learning about attachment styles was a game changer for me because it allowed me to better analyze my behavior and put words to feelings I didn't know how to make sense of. This includes those Sep 29, 2025 · This short free 15-question quiz measures feelings associated with the four main attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. I suffer from Anxious Attachment Style. Every luck in your secure attachment style, congratulations!! The whole curse with AT is that insecure attachment styles blind us from our own awful behavior & ultimately push the people away that we really care about. Having a list of styles may help people recognize their habits and their feelings, but you don't BELONG to one of them. She seems to want to help all the attachment styles. This results in less hurt feelings over time, less resentment, and better happiness overall. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Surely, if attachment styles can change over time, then surely it’s possible that an insecure attachment could develop later in life and have less to do with childhood and more to do with things that stem from adulthood? Or maybe the AP was always there, but life events just made it more pronounced? Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. Until recently I found out it was disorganized attachment style. So explain to me why this "theory" has become so trendy lately? To the point it's considered the gospel truth? There’s 4 main attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant. -people with avoidant attachment text a lot because it’s a means of maintaining control over the degree of intimacy; unlike in-person communications, they can simply not reply if they don’t want to. infp, infj, isfj and isfp gets preoccupied / anxious attachment style. Q: How does each individual attachment styles respond to the other types of attachment styles? A: There's this lovely graph that displays how each specific attachment style responds and feels to another attachment style. So I [33/f] have developed an anxious attachment from years of crappy choices with men. Oct 10, 2023 · Attachment styles theory describes four different ways that someone can approach relationships, including secure and avoidant. Still, the attachment map is rooted in pretty solid evidence and is the bedrock for most psychological functioning. Hey there, I remember reading quite a few discussions about attachment styles and whether or not people with them are actually narcissists. I sometimes felt like my therapist excused my protest behaviors during the relationship, even though I think they were objectively wrong, because she saw my DA ex's behavior as "unhealthy. What is the key difference between the two? If I have to look for one trait that distinguishes between the two, what would be it? Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Attachment Styles Hello everybody, I was wondering if there is any sort of correlation between attachment styles and MBTI type, so I am going to be doing polls for all MBTI types about this. So you need to be extra careful in this time period. Post questions, jokes, memes It's still happening. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles This is a subreddit about and for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. **This community isspecifically for those with a DA attachment style** This is to vent, support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. but if you are nice, they will come closer and closer and closer. Post questions, jokes, memes Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. I can relate to every single one. A secure attachment style in one partner can act as a protective factor, not just buffering the partner’s insecurities but also contributing positively to the relationship’s resilience : r/science Gaming Sports Business Crypto Television Celebrity A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). The term attachment parenting was coined by American pediatrician William Sears, and focuses on the nurturing connection that parents can develop with their children, with the goal of raising secure, independent, and empathetic humans. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles This is a subreddit for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Most of the internet seems to suggest that insecure attachment must be healed. Even if non-monogamy isn't relevant to you/your clients, it has the best info I've found on how each style develops and how to earn secure attachment. So, understanding your attachment style will help you understand how and why we select our future partners. Attachment theory also says that you can have different attachment styles with different people, and that they can change over time. Does anyone have any suggestions for interventions and psychoed resources for clients with anxious attachment style? Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Especially now that I’m in therapy and realizing how much anxiety and neglect I’m uncovering, I was beginning to feel confused on my attachment style. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles 14 votes, 38 comments. Your going to obsess about whether or not they really like you, will you stop hearing from them one day, etc A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). I was wondering- is it an accurate model that reflects how people form relationships or is it dated and an oversimplification? Can a person change their attachment style or are they stuck with it? The second Option will be a shorter test that may take you 5-10 minutes to take. If attachment style were related to sex, it would be when you connect it to emotional intimacy, and then you would see patterns emerge. Apr 1, 2021 · Do you and your partner have a secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style? Change your style to have healthier, secure relationships. " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. The MCAT (Medical College Admission Test) is offered by the AAMC and is a required exam for admission to medical schools in the USA and Canada. They may quickly enter new relationships, seeking relief from their own fears of abandonment. Disorganized attachment Teddy, Arizona, Bailey, jackson, Richard, Catherine, And none of them are mentally stable enough to have a secure attachment style lmaoo 😭 A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. It’s not just “oh I’m anxious, deal with it” or “oh I’m avoidant and that’s how it is”. When attachment is described, it usually presented as 1 healthy (secure) and 3 unhealthy (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized Did you all ever properly learn attachment styles? more specifically, what type of relationship to a parent will yield which type? ex: person who has an avoidant attachment style likely had type of relationship with their mother. I would say I'm anxious/avoidant but that really depends on the person I'm dealing with. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). I was just watching Thais' video on breadcrumbing and I completely understood her explanation for breadcrumbing when it comes from AP's, narcs and is used intentionally to manipulate. Being particularly therapeutically aimed is a bonus! Does attachment style play a role when it comes to texting? Would someone with an insecure attachment style tend to use it to communicate more than a person with a secure attachment style? Unpopular opinion: "attachment theory" is a load of nonsense I've taken about three tests from three different companies to try to see what my attachment style is and gotten different results with each of them. r/Attachment_Styles: A place to learn and discuss all things Attachment Styles. Learning to love ourselves, take responsibility and really critically evaluate our own behavior is the way out. Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles I think any attachment style pair with any enneagram type bc attachment is about a disconnect between a child's needs and the parent's ability to meet them and attune to the child. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. What if this is not possible because it is an integral part of what we are? Isn't then healthy to accept it, be honest and as much ethical as possible with other people, and try not to trigger the avoidance? I am a dismissive avoidant, struggling between feeling trapped in the relationship and the fear of ESFPs: Attachment Styles : ESFP (reddit. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles with vulnerability, shame, and being afraid. like secure ones, they also want to create emotionally deep connections but their feelings are more fragile so any kind of rejection will make them take two steps back. Please read the During therapy, I’ve been introduced to attachment theory and feel pretty strongly that I’m anxious/preoccupied. This is my personal favorite book explaining attachment styles & I've recommended it to several clients. Here's a quick rundown of the four attachment styles: I’ve recently been watching videos by Thais Gibson ( a licensed therapist and attachment style expert) in order to make relationships easier for me. Many other books on attachment theory help guide you on overcoming your attachment style, but when you’re not in an actual relationship, there is no real motivation (in my opinion). It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles A safe-space subreddit for those with the disorganized attachment style, also known as fearful avoidant or anxious-avoidant. Thais Gibson, a popular therapist on YouTube who specializes on attachment theory, she uses CBT techniques to help people develop a secure attachment style through it. Changing the attachment map appears challenging from the inside as an attachment style appears "natural" to the person and deviation from "normalcy" is often accompanied with fear, distrust and shame until the whole system is updated. Focusing on attachment style to make meaning of adult problems often means ignoring other important factors. A safe-space subreddit for those with the disorganized attachment style, also known as fearful avoidant or anxious-avoidant. I feel like I am only interpreting it as leading someone on, but is there more to it This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles If you are looking specifically for a book on attachment styles in adult romantic relationships aimed at laypeople, I liked Diane Poole Heller's The Power of Attachment. Second, identify which aspects of the anxious attachment style are you experiencing. Attachment styles are not broad brushes to paint people with, but a scientific theory to understand how past trauma, pains, neglect or fears (which I'll call "woundings") can manifest as maladaptive survival responses in future relationships, some in remarkably different ways even though they have similar woundings. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Attachment Styles Hello everybody, I was wondering if there is any sort of correlation between attachment styles and MBTI type, so I am going to be doing polls for all MBTI types about this. Heidi Priebe is one of the few YouTubers who discusses Attachment Styles that I consider safe for Avoidants to watch. Your going to obsess about whether or not they really like you, will you stop hearing from them one day, etc 22 votes, 13 comments. That's different than the pop psych stuff most lay people hear about how attachment style impacts adult relationships. It helps that I showed her my journal of my feelings and what I've been thinking. I had actually worked on it on my own through my teen years because the main issue is trust, and unfortunately the first person I was able to date was a fucking douchebag who took advantage of me and made it come back full swing and 10 times as bad. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Especially in the beginning of a relationship it eases my anxious attachment by showing the inner workings of the person and letting me know how they think. Some things that I have to remember Your anxious feelings will be at their highest in the first 2 months after meeting someone. The attachment style we experienced as children can offer us amazing insight into our current relationship style. I took a few quizzes and some quizzes tag me FA while others tag me as DA. As one of the main sources of modern attachment theory resources, one that I myself have referred others too, the knowledge that her degree is not exactly credible makes me question a few things. You may feel secure in one relationship and anxious in another. Attachment Project This one is a pretty basic one that will take you between 3-5 minutes to take. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. I have tried basic cbt style stuff with them, but it doesn’t seem to land. Thais Gibson PDS Quiz This one should also take you 3-5 minutes to take. Dr. The statement that "disorganized attachment is the hardest to treat" is a perfect example of a statement that gives a conclusion that is basically accurate but still entirely misses that is actually going on. Source: Wonderlane / Unsplash Attachment theory suggests that how we form emotional bonds in early childhood influences our Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Attachment style is actually one of my major research areas. Jul 1, 2023 · Anxious and avoidant attachment styles can attract each other. My question is, can a person have multiple styles? From what I have heard of the various styles, I show signs of each style from secure attachment to avoidant to anxious, etc. What I gathered from the article: -anxious attachment styles text a LOT for obvious reasons. It might just be my clientele and this subreddit, but it seems that pretty every disorganized person ends up eventually with an avoidant partner that just destroys them. com) The main pattern that I could see from the results is that thinkers with an unhealthy attachment style are more likely than feelers to develop an avoidant attachment style, whereas feelers are more likely to develop an anxious attachment style if they have an unhealthy attachment. Most people feel like all of the styles apply to them at one point or another. There are 3 main attachment styles, these are secure, anxious or avoidant. To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. It's not so much an identity/personal label as much as a way to more easily group sets of behavior and responses in order to better understand and address them. Diane Poole Heller has a fantastic book called The Power of Attachment, which I found to be more compassionate toward all attachment styles than Attached, and it offers practical exercises. And I have come across this podcast episode which actually puts them into correlation. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Attachment styles are really popular online now even tho the research of such has been going on for decades, I’ve heard. Attached has about 2 pages on disorganized attachment iirc, because it's written by two anxious->secure people. Start with our free quiz. Across the attachment spaces on Reddit, Facebook, PDS, etc there are quite a few generalizations about the attachment styles. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). Since I learned about attachment theory a few weeks ago, I have been trying to identify my particular attachment style. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles I know that your early experiences with your parents can affect attachment style, but this is not always the reason behind avoidant attachment. Bowlby and Ainsworth 's respective attachment theories are well respected and well established. Firstly, realize that attachment is what I call a "state-trait". /r/MCAT is a place for MCAT practice, questions, discussion, advice, social networking, news, study tips and more. " It definitely was unhealthy, but I think mine was too and sometimes felt like she gave me a pass Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Depending what kind of relationship you had with them, it will reflect on how you treat those close to you as an adult. Just want to open a discussion about this because I think it could help a lot of us to 1) better understand our own attachment style and 2) better understand our partner's (or potential partners') styles. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. It's not really The avoidant attachment style is more about mistrust and inability to let go of control, not allowing to be taken care of by someone else. People with this attachment style often give the classic hot & cold treatment, or just pull away completely without an explanation. New study shows how partners' attachment styles interact to shape marital success or failure. Avoidant attachment style is one of the ‘insecure’ styles, up to around 2/3rds of populations have ‘insecure’ type styles, the other main one being ‘anxious-ambivalent’. Thoughts on attachment styles? How has your realization of your own attachment style helped you? Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. It will help you see our emotional patterns, your struggles Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. The #1 social media platform for MCAT advice. Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. how to explain these types and A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). If you don't already know your attachment style you can take this free attachment style quiz The Attachment Project | Testing Platform. They feel safe with someone new temporarily (but sooner or later it wont work with them) but struggle to meet their own needs and process guilt.